Store Ownership, Fringe Benefits

November 4, 2006 by Sam

Ok (again…why are so few people reading these? Tell your friends!) Last night, one of the OBVIOUSLY gay guys from the local college comes in, and is haning out. For a while there are a bunch of other people in the store, but as it nears closing, it ends up being just me and him. He had a party at the college in an hour, so we ended up hanging out. We talked about a TON of stuff, in the proces I ended up telling him I was gay. (This is the FIRST perosn I have actually ever said those words to) This was a surprise to him, mostly, but a good one. This guy’s pretty hot as well. Found out that he is also a Wicccan, and has some real “issues” in his past that lead to total low self esteem, and how he generally feels like shit.

(A little aside here. I feel pretty bad when guys tell me that, especially when they are really good, even amazing people, and really hot. I understand that especially being gay there are things in our pasts that really can pile on, but this guy’s 19, and hot, and has a great mind as well. What is there that we can actually do?)

He did a Tarot reading for me concerning P. My question was, “What is keeping Us from my idea of an ideal relationship?” The cards were very good to me, and they all pointed to the idea that things are going very well, and that I am wise to keep taking it slowly. This is pretty cool, although I’m almost afraid to think that there might be a possibility of something there with P. (Maybe I have some issues as well)

I ended up giving him a hug in the back, which turned into a really long hug, and then us making out, with my hand down the back of his pants. Oh, and “the hour” had turned into 5! We talked while we held each other and kissed, and he is so amazing, that he said he didn’t want to come between me and P., and that he thought there was a really good chance of something happening with P and I. He didn’t actually ever pull away, though. We kissed and talked and hugged for over an hour, and by then it was late. I asked him if we were “something” now, as in dating, and he agreed that we sort of were, (what are we, in 7th grade?) and that we could probably still hang out “after hours” or when the store is empty.

WOW…I love owning a store, even though I am in debt up to my ears!!!!

Ashes in the Wind

November 4, 2006 by Sam

When I die, I want to be cremated, and the ashes spread to the wind. That way I’ll be free, or at least, it gives me now a sensation that I’ll be free. Also it’ll give freedom to those who care about me. They won’t have to go to a specific place to visit me. They won’t have to bring flowers and clean up a place. Any time they wish to spend a moment with me, all they have to do is feel the breeze, and they’ll know, I’ll be there with them.

It might sound crazy for some, but after seeing how some people get stuck in one place because they don’t want to get away from the place a loved one is buried, and with it, they can’t be free to move somewhere else to start a new life, or simply reach a new opportunity, it seems logic to me that cremation is the best solution.

Some people might want to keep the ashes in a decorated container specific for that purpose, but it’ll give me a sensation of being prisoner in a container and not being able to fly free. Also I’ve heard several “horror” stories about ashes accidentally being spread in the carpet and ending up in a vacuum cleaner bag! No thank you!

Ashes in the wind.

To me sounds like freedom after a life is completed and a new beginning in the other side, whatever it might be, without holding sentimentally prisoners those who care about the departed one. And as a bonus, is cheaper!

My Wish……such a good song

November 3, 2006 by Sam

Let me just say now this weekend was CRAZY and COLD! Two things that go so great together. Anyway, Friday was like awesome. That’s totally normal though I mean whenever all of us Potomac Station kids hang out on Fridays its a party. We hung out in the Graefe’s basement, then slowly migrated over the Christina’s house where she cooked us food. I felt kind of bad though I wasn’t really hungry so I didn’t each everything but it was SOOO good. Had I been hungrier I would’ve eaten more. I feel kind of bad about barging in on the Graefe’s house. I mean I know they would’ve said something if they didn’t or couldn’t hang out at their house but I don’t know it was last minute and we all just kind of showed up. So I mean……I just feel kind of bad. Well yeah that was Friday. Very interesting and very awesome and very relaxing to. Sadly I went to bed at like 10.

Well Saturday was freezing cold at 7:30 in the morning. Plus I had to wake up early to get to the SAT’s which were not really all that complicated but they were just so LONG. I don’t like being dragged out of my warm cocoon in bed so I can take a test. Then again a girl’s got to do what a girl’s got to do. It was fun though. I mean I had Steven and Brenton and Ben there, although I never saw him, so it was great to take the test with them there. Plus Brenton and I were in the same classroom so I wasn’t like alone, which was very convienent. Anyway enough about the super boring test. My sister and her team had their soccer game which I sadly did not escape the freezing cold for and they lost. By a lot but its ok. For some reason they just weren’t into the game. I think Katrina’s getting discouraged after the last game little postgame spat between her and dad. I would be to. I was when I was younger. Eventually you learn to take the harshness of being the coach’s daughter when you lose a game. It just part of the package I guess.

Oh so after the game we randomly drove around West Virginia. Get this, my family, we’re buying land in West Virginia so we can have a vacation cabin out there. It sound really cool. The cabin will only be like two hours away so we can go away on weekends and stuff. It should be really fun. Driving around West Virginia was pretty fun. We have a lot of moments in the car where we are all just dying of laughter because one of us did something so stupid. Like mom didn’t get why the sign said “Freeway ends” she kept thinking that when the freeway ended that we’d have to pay. I don’t get her logic but its mom. Its the whole Filipino thing I tell you. We got home super late and I was exhausted to say the least. It was fun though. I love times like that where we’re not at eachother’s necks trying to like kill eachother.

I found my homecoming dress. Its actually pretty nice. I mean I don’t like getting dressed up at all. I like being in my comfortable clothes. My mom is loving being able to shop for all this kind of stuff. Its kind of fun. Its not really my thing but its really amusing to see her so excited. My dress is like black and its a v-neck and has a little jewel thing in the middle and I don’t know something about it compelled me to buy it. So I got that dress. I got another one to just in case the other one didn’t fit because it was a size smaller than what I normally get but it did. I was pretty excited. My mom was like ecstatic. So that’s one less thing I have to worry about.

Here’s a surprise since it would be hard to notice, I cut my hair. Its pretty short now. Before I cut it, my hair came down to about the end of my shoulder blades. Now its right at the start of my shoulders I think. Somewhere around there. I think we took about 2.5 inches off. Its different. Its change. Its also easier for me to wear it down for homecoming if I do. Impulse told me to cut it. Too late to go back now right? It’ll always grow back out. Its hair. I think it looks kind of cool. Right now its straight and all so maybe tomorrow my opinion will change drastically. Only time will tell.

Well I think I’m going to go to bed early. I have nothing to do really. I am kind of tired. Not like really really tired but I must savor the nights I can sleep early because I will be seeing very few of those in the weeks to come. Well until next time.

7 Gifts that Multiply Happiness

October 30, 2006 by Sam
7 Gifts that Multiply Happiness


Did you know that there are gifts that will multiply your happiness when you give them away? Here are seven of those gifts. Giving these gifts will allow you to share with others your most unique treasure: your authentic self. Each gift will return to you many times.
As you read about each of these gifts, think about ways that you could share that gift with someone today.1. Share appreciation
Tell someone how much you appreciate the faith they’ve shown in you. Thank them sincerely for being part of your life. Tell them how much they are needed.

Feeling appreciated is one of the most important needs that people have. When you share with someone your appreciation and gratitude, they will not forget you. Appreciation will return to you many times.

2. Share time
Balance your time expenditures so you can spend time with the people that you love. Support local organizations by sharing your special talents. Volunteer time for projects that benefit others in your community, country, and world.

When we slow down and observe our thoughts closely, we will sometimes uncover gifts and talents we didn’t know we had. Sharing time and talents can result in discoveries that bring happiness beyond measure.

3. Share knowledge and ideas
Tell someone about a great book that you read so they can benefit from it too. Teach a new concept or idea that you’ve learned.

One of the best ways to strengthen new concepts in your mind is to share them with others. The more often you share what you’ve learned, the stronger that information will become in your memory. Sharing knowledge also provides solutions to problems. The more knowledge we share, the more knowledge we receive in return.

4. Share friendship
Acknowledge someone’s strengths. Let them know that you are willing to be there when they need you. Visit someone you haven’t seen for a long time. Telephone friends or relatives who live far away. Introduce two friends who don’t know each other.

Bringing one individual into another’s life can result in tremendous changes for both people, and for you. We succeed with the help of others. People grow by growing together. If you’d like to have many friends, then share friendship with others generously.

5. Share kindness
Perform a random act of kindness for someone: a smile, compliment, or a favor just for fun. These will multiply and spread very rapidly.

There is a powerful quote by Stephen Jay Gould who said, “The center of human nature is rooted in ten thousand ordinary acts of kindness that define our days.” Kindness is priceless. The love, kindnesses, and value we have given authentically to others will be our remaining treasures at the end of life.

6. Share experience
Keep written or photo journals of your life: things you’ve done, places you’ve traveled, things you’ve learned. Record successes and failures. Share a happy memory. Also share the difficult times that have helped you become stronger and wiser. When shared, the value of these experiences multiplies.

Our unique experiences and perceptions of life are priceless. Sharing experiences will build one of the strongest bonds with others. Our descendants can learn and benefit from our lifetime experiences for generations to come.

7. Share enthusiasm
If you are excited about a new success, tell someone. If you’re ecstatic about a new project, show your glow. Your enthusiasm will inspire others to move forward with actions that bring rewarding achievements.

Enthusiasm keeps us looking forward to the future. It brings many of those exciting days that we can savor with gratitude. That kind of glowing excitement for life is impossible to hide. It is contagious and will quickly spread to others.

Think about this statement by Norman MacEwan: “Happiness is not so much in having as sharing. We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.”

Sharing these gifts sends our thoughts on a far-reaching journey where they will touch many lives, and reconnect with our own. Would you like to receive these same life-enhancing gifts again and again? Begin multiplying your happiness by sharing one of these special gifts with someone today!

Take care

The Tale of David Swan

October 14, 2006 by Sam
  I was visiting my lady friend and her daughter. Her daughter was always quite fond of me, and shes rather smart for being 11, but she still has the fondness and attitude of a little girl. She calls me “Uncle Toad”. She asked me to read her a story, and I tried to tell her the tale of David Swan from my memory. It quite a nice storyHere is the Tale of David SwanWe can be but partially acquainted even with the events which
actually influence our course through life, and our final
destiny. There are innumerable other events–if such they may be
called–which come close upon us, yet pass away without actual
results, or even betraying their near approach, by the reflection
of any light or shadow across our minds. Could we know all the
vicissitudes of our fortunes, life would be too full of hope and
fear, exultation or disappointment, to afford us a single hour of
true serenity. This idea may be illustrated by a page from the
secret history of David Swan.

We have nothing to do with David until we find him, at the age of
twenty, on the high road from his native place to the city of
Boston, where his uncle, a small dealer in the grocery line, was
to take him behind the counter. Be it enough to say that he was a
native of New Hampshire, born of respectable parents, and had
received an ordinary school education, with a classic finish by a
year at Gilmanton Academy. After journeying on foot from sunrise
till nearly noon of a summer’s day, his weariness and the
increasing heat determined him to sit down in the first
convenient shade, and await the coming up of the stage-coach. As
if planted on purpose for him, there soon appeared a little tuft
of maples, with a delightful recess in the midst, and such a
fresh bubbling spring that it seemed never to have sparkled for
any wayfarer but David Swan. Virgin or not, he kissed it with his
thirsty lips, and then flung himself along the brink, pillowing
his head upon some shirts and a pair of pantaloons, tied up in a
striped cotton handkerchief. The sunbeams could not reach him;
the dust did not yet rise from the road after the heavy rain of
yesterday; and his grassy lair suited the young man better than a
bed of down. The spring murmured drowsily beside him; the
branches waved dreamily across the blue sky overhead; and a deep
sleep, perchance hiding dreams within its depths, fell upon David
Swan. But we are to relate events which he did not dream of.

While he lay sound asleep in the shade, other people were wide
awake, and passed to and fro, afoot, on horseback, and in all
sorts of vehicles, along the sunny road by his bedchamber. Some
looked neither to the right hand nor the left, and knew not that
he was there; some merely glanced that way, without admitting the
slumberer among their busy thoughts; some laughed to see how
soundly he slept; and several, whose hearts were brimming full of
scorn, ejected their venomous superfluity on David Swan. A
middle-aged widow, when nobody else was near, thrust her head a
little way into the recess, and vowed that the young fellow
looked charming in his sleep. A temperance lecturer saw him, and
wrought poor David into the texture of his evening’s discourse,
as an awful instance of dead drunkenness by the roadside. But
censure, praise, merriment, scorn, and indifference were all one,
or rather all nothing, to David Swan.

He had slept only a few moments when a brown carriage, drawn by a
handsome pair of horses, bowled easily along, and was brought to
a standstill nearly in front of David’s resting-place. A linchpin
had fallen out, and permitted one of the wheels to slide off. The
damage was slight, and occasioned merely a momentary alarm to an
elderly merchant and his wife, who were returning to Boston in
the carriage. While the coachman and a servant were replacing the
wheel, the lady and gentleman sheltered themselves beneath the
maple-trees, and there espied the bubbling fountain, and David
Swan asleep beside it. Impressed with the awe which the humblest
sleeped usually sheds around him, the merchant trod as lightly as
the gout would allow; and his spouse took good heed not to rustle
her silk gown, lest David should start up all of a sudden.

“How soundly he sleeps!” whispered the old gentleman. “From what
a depth he draws that easy breath! Such sleep as that, brought on
without an opiate, would be worth more to me than half my income;
for it would suppose health and an untroubled mind.”

“And youth, besides,” said the lady. “Healthy and quiet age does
not sleep thus. Our slumber is no more like his than our
wakefulness.”

The longer they looked the more did this elderly couple feel
interested in the unknown youth, to whom the wayside and the
maple shade were as a secret chamber, with the rich gloom of
damask curtains brooding over him. Perceiving that a stray
sunbeam glimmered down upon his face, the lady contrived to twist
a branch aside, so as to intercept it. And having done this
little act of kindness, she began to feel like a mother to him.

“Providence seems to have laid him here,” whispered she to her
husband, “and to have brought us hither to find him, after our
disappointment in our cousin’s son. Methinks I can see a likeness
to our departed Henry. Shall we waken him?”

“To what purpose?” said the merchant, hesitating. “We know
nothing of the youth’s character.”

“That open countenance!” replied his wife, in the same hushed
voice, yet earnestly. “This innocent sleep!”

While these whispers were passing, the sleeper’s heart did not
throb, nor his breath become agitated, nor his features betray
the least token of interest. Yet Fortune was bending over him,
just ready to let fall a burden of gold. The old merchant had
lost his only son, and had no heir to his wealth except a distant
relative, with whose conduct he was dissatisfied. In such cases,
people sometimes do stranger things than to act the magician, and
awaken a young man to splendor who fell asleep in poverty.

“Shall we not waken him?” repeated the lady persuasively.

“The coach is ready, sir,” said the servant, behind.

The old couple started, reddened, and hurried away, mutually
wondering that they should ever have dreamed of doing anything so
very ridiculous. The merchant threw himself back in the carriage,
and occupied his mind with the plan of a magnificent asylum for
unfortunate men of business. Meanwhile, David Swan enjoyed his
nap.

The carriage could not have gone above a mile or two, when a
pretty young girl came along, with a tripping pace, which showed
precisely how her little heart was dancing in her bosom. Perhaps
it was this merry kind of motion that caused–is there any harm
in saying it?–her garter to slip its knot. Conscious that the
silken girth–if silk it were–was relaxing its hold, she turned
aside into the shelter of the maple-trees, and there found a
young man asleep by the spring! Blushing as red as any rose that
she should have intruded into a gentleman’s bedchamber, and for
such a purpose, too, she was about to make her escape on tiptoe.
But there was peril near the sleeper. A monster of a bee had been
wandering overhead–buzz, buzz, buzz–now among the leaves, now
flashing through the strips of sunshine, and now lost in the dark
shade, till finally he appeared to be settling on the eyelid of
David Swan. The sting of a bee is sometimes deadly. As free
hearted as she was innocent, the girl attacked the intruder with
her handkerchief, brushed him soundly, and drove him from beneath
the mapleshade. How sweet a picture! This good deed accomplished,
with quickened breath, and a deeper blush, she stole a glance at
the youthful stranger for whom she had been battling with a
dragon in the air.

“He is handsome!” thought she, and blushed redder yet.

How could it be that no dream of bliss grew so strong within him,
that, shattered by its very strength, it should part asunder, and
allow him to perceive the girl among its phantoms? Why, at least,
did no smile of welcome brighten upon his face? She was come, the
maid whose soul, according to the old and beautiful idea, had
been severed from his own, and whom, in all his vague but
passionate desires, he yearned to meet. Her, only, could he love
with a perfect love; him, only, could she receive into the depths
of her heart; and now her image was faintly blushing in the
fountain, by his side; should it pass away, its happy lustre
would never gleam upon his life again.

“How sound he sleeps!” murmured the girl.

She departed, but did not trip along the road so lightly as when
she came.

Now, this girl’s father was a thriving country merchant in the
neighborhood, and happened, at that identical time, to be looking
out for just such a young man as David Swan. Had David formed a
wayside acquaintance with the daughter, he would have become the
father’s clerk, and all else in natural succession. So here,
again, had good fortune–the best of fortunes–stolen so near
that her garments brushed against him; and he knew nothing of the
matter.

The girl was hardly out of sight when two men turned aside
beneath the maple shade. Both had dark faces, set off by cloth
caps, which were drawn down aslant over their brows. Their
dresses were shabby, yet had a certain smartness. These were a
couple of rascals who got their living by whatever the devil sent
them, and now, in the interim of other business, had staked the
joint profits of their next piece of villany on a game of cards,
which was to have been decided here under the trees. But, finding
David asleep by the spring, one of the rogues whispered to his
fellow,”Hist!–Do you see that bundle under his head?”

The other villain nodded, winked, and leered.

“I’ll bet you a horn of brandy,” said the first, “that the chap
has either a pocket-book, or a snug little hoard of small change,
stowed away amongst his shirts. And if not there, we shall find
it in his pantaloons pocket.”

“But how if he wakes?” said the other.

His companion thrust aside his waistcoat, pointed to the handle
of a dirk, and nodded.

“So be it!” muttered the second villain.

They approached the unconscious David, and, while one pointed the
dagger towards his heart, the other began to search the bundle
beneath his head. Their two faces, grim, wrinkled, and ghastly
with guilt and fear, bent over their victim, looking horrible
enough to be mistaken for fiends, should he suddenly awake. Nay,
had the villains glanced aside into the spring, even they would
hardly have known themselves as reflected there. But David Swan
had never worn a more tranquil aspect, even when asleep on his
mother’s breast.

“I must take away the bundle,” whispered one.

“If he stirs, I’ll strike,” muttered the other.

But, at this moment, a dog scenting along the ground, came in
beneath the maple-trees, and gazed alternately at each of these
wicked men, and then at the quiet sleeper. He then lapped out of
the fountain.

“Pshaw!” said one villain. “We can do nothing now. The dog’s
master must be close behind.”

“Let’s take a drink and be off,” said the other

The man with the dagger thrust back the weapon into his bosom,
and drew forth a pocket pistol, but not of that kind which kills
by a single discharge. It was a flask of liquor, with a block-tin
tumbler screwed upon the mouth. Each drank a comfortable dram,
and left the spot, with so many jests, and such laughter at their
unaccomplished wickedness, that they might be said to have gone
on their way rejoicing. In a few hours they had forgotten the
whole affair, nor once imagined that the recording angel had
written down the crime of murder against their souls, in letters
as durable as eternity. As for David Swan, he still slept
quietly, neither conscious of the shadow of death when it hung
over him, nor of the glow of renewed life when that shadow was
withdrawn.

He slept, but no longer so quietly as at first. An hour’s repose
had snatched, from his elastic frame, the weariness with which
many hours of toil had burdened it. Now he stirred–now, moved
his lips, without a sound–now, talked, in an inward tone, to the
noonday spectres of his dream. But a noise of wheels came
rattling louder and louder along the road, until it dashed
through the dispersing mist of David’s slumber-and there was the
stage-coach. He started up with all his ideas about him.

“Halloo, driver!–Take a passenger?” shouted he.

“Room on top!” answered the driver.

Up mounted David, and bowled away merrily towards Boston, without
so much as a parting glance at that fountain of dreamlike
vicissitude. He knew not that a phantom of Wealth had thrown a
golden hue upon its waters–nor that one of Love had sighed
softly to their murmur–nor that one of Death had threatened to
crimson them with his blood–all, in the brief hour since he lay
down to sleep. Sleeping or waking, we hear not the airy footsteps
of the strange things that almost happen. Does it not argue a
superintending Providence that, while viewless and unexpected
events thrust themselves continually athwart our path, there
should still be regularity enough in mortal life to render
foresight even partially available?

Do you know why those of great intelligence do not enter politics?

October 14, 2006 by Sam
  It is because those people hate absolutely everything that has to do with the things that require “intelligence”.

Because doesn’t anyone ever think, or ask. What did the person with intelligence wants to do with it in the first place

If they truely had intelligence they would realize that whatever he can apply his intelligence to is boring and in the end unfufilling, thus the only reason he should ever both with increase his rank in society is to look good, when he realizes there is no point to this.

So rather he is content working at a gas station, slacking off, and knows better then to spend money on useless crap, but rather focus on essentials for living.

He has free food, free water and drink, and he gets to do what most intelligent people love best. Alienate others without a second glance.

The truely intelligent are not in your labs, or your high positions of government.

The honorable and good hearted are in stuff such as hospitals and what not.

But brilliant men are the ones doing the trivial and unlooked upon, because they do not care what the world thinks.

Thus they are quite the smart ones.

A touching night of passion. Toad style.

October 14, 2006 by Sam

So Bret was over, being Bret. I complained about my back(in seriousness my bed is a piece of crap), and he offered to massage it, “Walk on it please”

He did and I heard a pop. “Oh my. I’ve never felt a man with so much tension. What do you do all day?!”

“Drink green tea and watching fishing shows”

“No seriously”

“None of your concern”

So then he asked me to sit up straight and he began working my shoulders. I felt refreshed, and felt limber enough to defeat Achilles without the need of hitting his heel. Until he started nibbling my left ear lobe. Which I admit, it like scratching the ear of a playful mutt. My leg twitched and I grunted. When I felt him tug me to give me a kiss. Which he did.

He gave me that look with passion in his eyes. and whispered “I didn’t expect you lips to be so soft”

“I didn’t expect you to pull that either. I mean you pop a guys back, and all and you then kiss him? My god man, that was weird and unexpected, I mean how would you feel if someone did the same to you”

Right then and there I grabbed him, shot up, and pushed him against the wall, and shot my tongue into his, and kissed him roughly and tenderly. His hands moved up and down my body squeezing and holding rightly, one of my hands met his, and I held it, tightly, and lightly bite his neck as he gasped a little more.

‘I always dreamt of you inside me”

“Hmm. Oh no no no, I was merely showing you an example of what happens when you attempt to arouse someone unexpectedly. Its quite rude to be honost”

With that I went on the couch and continued to watch reruns of Gilligans Island.